I woke up smiling this morning,
To the familiar sound of the phone ringing,
I thought for one second, of how it would be like if you and I were to be one,
And for a while I drifted to some other land.
It got me wondering, all this that I’m feeling,
It got me thinking of why I’m holding back.
I can actually visualize what it would be like, and then, I suddenly realized that I’m so afraid to love, but I’m more afraid to lose. That I always want to know that we would be what I think we should. I’m no perfectionist, yes, it’s true, but I also know that I need to be secured. Secured with a feeling that I think no one on earth could give, or could ever promise. It all balls down to issues of trust, and security; of how it all is so difficult to obtain. Of how long it takes to develop a feeling we call love, and how long to lose it when we get it in the end. I thought for a very long time this morning. And I’m still thinking about it. I think about the words that have been said, and the things that had been done. I wonder what it would do to us when we think back of all those times. Would it make any difference now? Would we cry, or would we laugh? I really wouldn’t know. Feelings are like yoyos, they bounce upward, then go down again.. just like the way we wake up every morning, feeling a different thing from the night before. Then we sleep on it, and wake up the next morning feeling like we never did .. and we wonder what we had said and done and think if we could turn back time.. and we keep on wondering what life has for us in store..
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