chocolates

(written on 21/10)

I am at the moment, in my room, eating a bar of snickers. Chocolate is the best medicine. A chocolate a day keeps the blues away, haha. Actually, the reason I’m eating this particular bar, is because a good friend of mine, had just pointed out to me, how sick I look. I look sick? Do I really? I feel good, I eat well, I laugh a lot, so where have I gone wrong to make me look sick? Oh, I think I know. I’m suffering insomnia. Every night, I come back from tarawikh, feeling so drowsy, only to frustrate myself, because I am unable to sleep. I am unable to doze off, I am unable to rest my brain by imagining blue seas and lovely sunsets. Do I need a therapist of some sort? Because it has come to the extent that it is making me look unwell, though I know that I am.

Let us analyze this problem. Why am I not able to fall asleep? And when I do, I am unable to sleep soundly? What is going through my mind, what is bothering me so much? If it’s the devils, well they’re all locked up. If it’s the lights, I switch them off. If it’s the aircond, I don’t use it all the time. If it’s my bed, well, there’s never really been a problem before. Then, what is it? Oh, I know, it’s my mind. The reason why I can’t sleep well, is because my mind works faster than my body, and when my body is ready for rest, my mind is not in for resting, so my physical activities end long before my mental activities do. Yah, I think that’s why. I think I found out. I am just plain sick of all this. Plain sick of not being able to sleep. Plain sick of not being able to think straight, plain sick of just about everything. And now, I look sick. How wonderful. How very, very wonderful.