I seldom talk about my love life, and I just realised that. Though I do include snippits of it at the end my posts sometimes, or address him and me and us sometimes, I still seldom talk about it. Some people wonder how I do it. Some people wonder how I can go through many, many days and weeks sometimes, without saying “I love you”. Some people think I meet Ted every week when there had been times before that we had to wait 2-3 months before meeting up again. People think I spend a great deal on my phone credit and bill, but I talk to Ted like 5 minutes per day or so. Sometimes we talk a little longer though, when there’s a lot to tell, but basically, 5 minutes is the standard. And of late, due to time and financial constraint, either one of us will call just once a day just to check on each other.. You know, the normal “Kat mana, Makan dah? Sihat ke tak..” then bye-bye.
If you wonder how I do it, I’m even more confused. I’m not complaining though, because if I miss someone so much, I’ll go mad and explode and the next thing I know I’m doing the stupidest things on earth. But knowing what I am like, I wonder how I have managed to become less possessive and controlling, and less clingy. I’m not any less talkative or “kuat membebel”, but I guess I’ve learnt a lot as time goes by, and that has made a difference. I’m proud that I no longer suffocate people as much as I used to.
A few weeks back, I met someone who used to be of very much significance to my life. Basically, he was everything. And I repeat WAS. There are just too many things in life that are without answers, and that meeting was one of it I guess. Perhaps others in my position would not have acted in the same way I did, but then again, perhaps they would have. I tell people that there is nothing more to be mad about and that you forgive when you love someone and I guess this is the answer to it all.
Love is not enough though- it never is, it never will be. No matter how much people say that love endures all, I don’t believe in it. These days, many other things matter. As people grow, their wants and needs change, and then, they come to a realization that the things they used to enjoy together can no longer be enjoyed together. The paths that once used to cross now diverge into two separate ways. Time changes everything and everyone in it. Time changes the way we all think. And in the end, we have to admit that there is more to life than love alone. We need stability, we need comfort, we need fights, we need misunderstandings. And above all, we need trust. If live were so perfect, everyone in it would go jobless, aren’t I right?
Sometimes I wonder if I’m loved, or if I love enough. Sometimes we just feel that we don’t have enough and we don’t give enough. But there is only so much that a girl can do and that is to be and to give the best. I guess I’m feeling all melancholic and emotional because I’ve never made it this far before. And to think of all the things I’ve gone through makes me wonder how I endured it all. And mostly, to think that every single person I know had warned me from the very beginning about this person I love right now, makes me wonder sometimes what he was like when I wasn’t this close to him. Was he really that bad, or was it just rumors that I heard. I don’t know. And at this point in time, I guess I don’t even care.
Well, I guess that’s all. Perhaps this time it’s best we take it slow. One thing at a time, one move after the other. After all, we’ve got a lifetime of hopes and dreams to catch, and let’s hope there’s something, somewhere over the rainbow.
If you wonder how I do it, I’m even more confused. I’m not complaining though, because if I miss someone so much, I’ll go mad and explode and the next thing I know I’m doing the stupidest things on earth. But knowing what I am like, I wonder how I have managed to become less possessive and controlling, and less clingy. I’m not any less talkative or “kuat membebel”, but I guess I’ve learnt a lot as time goes by, and that has made a difference. I’m proud that I no longer suffocate people as much as I used to.
A few weeks back, I met someone who used to be of very much significance to my life. Basically, he was everything. And I repeat WAS. There are just too many things in life that are without answers, and that meeting was one of it I guess. Perhaps others in my position would not have acted in the same way I did, but then again, perhaps they would have. I tell people that there is nothing more to be mad about and that you forgive when you love someone and I guess this is the answer to it all.
Love is not enough though- it never is, it never will be. No matter how much people say that love endures all, I don’t believe in it. These days, many other things matter. As people grow, their wants and needs change, and then, they come to a realization that the things they used to enjoy together can no longer be enjoyed together. The paths that once used to cross now diverge into two separate ways. Time changes everything and everyone in it. Time changes the way we all think. And in the end, we have to admit that there is more to life than love alone. We need stability, we need comfort, we need fights, we need misunderstandings. And above all, we need trust. If live were so perfect, everyone in it would go jobless, aren’t I right?
Sometimes I wonder if I’m loved, or if I love enough. Sometimes we just feel that we don’t have enough and we don’t give enough. But there is only so much that a girl can do and that is to be and to give the best. I guess I’m feeling all melancholic and emotional because I’ve never made it this far before. And to think of all the things I’ve gone through makes me wonder how I endured it all. And mostly, to think that every single person I know had warned me from the very beginning about this person I love right now, makes me wonder sometimes what he was like when I wasn’t this close to him. Was he really that bad, or was it just rumors that I heard. I don’t know. And at this point in time, I guess I don’t even care.
Well, I guess that’s all. Perhaps this time it’s best we take it slow. One thing at a time, one move after the other. After all, we’ve got a lifetime of hopes and dreams to catch, and let’s hope there’s something, somewhere over the rainbow.
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