*mental note*

"and i wonder..
if everything could ever feel this real forever,
if anything could ever be this good again.
the only thing i'll ever ask of you,
you've got to promise not to stop when i say when.."

next to a break up, this is perhaps the most difficult thing; falling in love, and to be in love. that's the trouble with love. the very moment you tell yourself "i can't do this, i don't think i'll be able to love again", that's when the heart grows stronger, and starts to build new feelings for new people. there are some things in life that we just cannot comprehend, some things which i guess are never meant to be understood. some things, i guess are meant to be left a mystery to many of us; some questions just go without answers.

i just finished 3 gruelling weeks of exams, and the last paper was yesterday.. it was okay, i guess, as compared to the others. and the fact that we didn't really "learn" this subject, i think it went pretty well. the rest, i wouldn't wana dwell on, coz it'll make me crazy just to think of the 1001 mistakes i might have made. i'm just glad it's all over, now looking forward to the long 3-month holiday. not really looking forward i guess. it's hardly a day, and i feel stressed out already. i've got loads of stuff, which i brought back from campus, and i can't even see my bed, coz it' s buried under so much of the things i didn't really know i had all this while *mental note: clean up ur room tomorrow. kchik coming over*. but like that makes a difference anyways, like she cares what my room looks like, haha.

i am pretty blank right now, so you might just see babblings in this entry; i'm gona jump from topic to topic without warning, as if i'm turning into junctions without bothering to signal. i've a meeting tomorrow in Shah Alam. boring, yes, but i guess it's good also to clarify matters before we start the new semester and stuff like that. .at least one day of my holidays goes unwasted. i've loads of pictures from today. my buddies and i went out just now- let all the pent-up tension out. went to the stream near my house, then later went to eat cheese naan which i know was and still is extremely fattening, which fyi, i finished. haiyoo.. some people just never learn how hazardous food can be.

i'm pretty sure this isn't what he thinks it is.. if it were what you think it is, i wouldn't have gotten myself involved in the first place. i wouldn't have stayed, i would have pushed you away like i did to the others. but somehow, i didn't push you away. but if you were to ask me why, i wouldn't have an answer. perhaps i've stopped looking for answers right now, i'm just going where my heart says "go". by tomorrow, all this shall pass, and i will most probably look at this entry feeling embarrased that i rambled in and out of topics like a madwoman. i miss mummy already. i miss crapping with mummy late at night while eating "flies" with mayo and chilli sauce. i also miss eating keropok pinggan with izan, hehe. i already miss my friends. the problem with having not so many siblings. *mental note: get many children so that your children won't feel like you do right now*. but most probably when the time comes, i'll think of how tough it would be to bring up just one me, so i might just do the contrary.

and now i cannot sleep. i don't even have a bed, remember. i'm not sleepy, not even tired. maybe i'm just so damn excited, that's why. about what, i'm not sure. i'm pms-ing like nuts, but somehow this time it feels good. but i don't care anyway. *mental note- go upstairs and stop crapping.* . but i can't stop. i want to go on writing and writing for all i care. even if it makes me stay up all night. but i guess i will stop right now. i cannot think of anything more stupid to write. good night, and happy holidays.